Resolving conflict at work

Work out what the disagreement is about

Conflict often shows up as tension with a person, but the cause is usually something more specific. In its guide to effective dispute resolution, the Fair Work Ombudsman lists common causes including personality clashes, unresolved problems from the past, competition between employees, poor communication and leadership, and unclear roles and responsibilities.

It can help to write down, in a sentence or two, what has actually happened. "Sam keeps undermining me" is hard to discuss. "Sam has changed the project timeline twice without telling me, and I found out from the client" gives you both something concrete to talk about. Separating the behaviour from your view of the person also makes it easier to stay calm when you raise it.

Then think about what you want to change. You might want to be told before decisions affecting your work are made, agree who owns a task, or stop being interrupted in meetings. Having a realistic outcome in mind keeps the conversation pointed at a solution, and it helps you notice when the other person offers something that would work.

If the disagreement is about your pay, hours, leave or another entitlement, check the rules before you talk to anyone. The Fair Work Ombudsman's page on taking steps to fix a problem suggests checking your award, enterprise agreement or the National Employment Standards and gathering documents such as payslips, rosters and your contract first.

Decide whether and when to raise it

Not every clash needs a conversation. A one-off sharp email on a stressful day may not be worth revisiting, particularly if the person's usual behaviour is reasonable. But if the same thing keeps happening, or it's affecting your work or how you feel about coming in, raising it early usually works better than waiting. A small issue is easier to discuss before it has turned into a pattern that both of you feel strongly about.

Choose a time when you're both reasonably calm, rather than straight after the incident. Ask for a few minutes somewhere private, and avoid a moment when either of you is about to go into a meeting or chase a deadline. For a remote colleague, a video call gives you more to go on than a message thread, where tone is easy to misread.

How to have the conversation

The Fair Work Ombudsman's advice on difficult workplace conversations is practical: make time to talk without interruptions, be clear about the problem, come with some suggestions for fixing it, and keep an open mind about other points of view. In practice, the conversation often follows a rough order.

• Describe the situation. Start with the specific thing that happened, in neutral terms, and leave out labels such as "rude" or "unprofessional".
• Explain the effect. Say what it meant for your work, such as a missed deadline, duplicated effort or a client receiving mixed messages.
• Ask for their view. They may have had a reason you didn't know about, or feel that you've contributed to the problem too. Listen to the answer before responding.
• Look for something workable. Suggest a change, and ask what they'd suggest.
• Confirm what you agreed. A short follow-up message summarising what you discussed and what happens next can prevent a second disagreement about what was said.

Something like this can work as an opening:

Change the details and the wording so it sounds like you. The useful parts are a specific example, the effect on your work, and an invitation for the other person to explain.

If the conversation gets heated, it's reasonable to pause and suggest picking it up later in the day. People often respond differently once they've had time to think.

When the conflict is with your manager

A disagreement with your manager has an extra layer, because they direct your work and have a say in how your performance is assessed. The same approach still applies, but it usually helps to frame the conversation around how the work gets done. "Can we agree which of these three projects comes first?" is easier for a manager to engage with than a complaint about how they allocate work.

It also helps to know where the legal line sits. According to the Fair Work Commission's page on reasonable management action, a manager can tell you your performance or behaviour isn't satisfactory, start a performance improvement plan, take disciplinary action for misconduct and ask you to perform reasonable duties. Being on the receiving end of those things can feel personal, but when both the action and the way it's carried out are reasonable, it isn't bullying.

The way it's done still matters. If you think a manager's action is unreasonable, or is being carried out unreasonably, the Commission suggests raising it with your HR team, or with a senior manager if there's no HR team. Your union may also be able to advise you.

If talking doesn't fix it

If you've tried to talk about the problem and it hasn't been resolved, the Fair Work Ombudsman suggests putting your concerns in writing. Setting out what the unresolved issues are and what response you're looking for gives the other person something clear to reply to. Give them a reasonable amount of time to respond, and keep the tone polite.

You can also ask your manager, or their manager if the conflict is with your manager, to help. Depending on the workplace, that might mean a facilitated conversation, a change to how work is divided up, or mediation. Mediation is generally voluntary, and a mediator doesn't take sides or decide who is right. Their role is to help the people involved reach an outcome they can both accept.

If the dispute is about something covered by your award, enterprise agreement or the National Employment Standards, check the dispute resolution clause in your award or agreement. These procedures generally start with a discussion between you and your manager, then escalate to more senior management, and can end with a referral to the Fair Work Commission if the matter still isn't resolved. While a dispute is being worked through, the Fair Work Ombudsman's guidance is that employees should keep following their employer's directions and doing work that is safe and appropriate.

A union representative or health and safety representative can also advise you or come to a meeting with you. If you decide to make a formal complaint, raising a formal grievance covers your workplace's grievance or complaints policy and how that process works.

When it's more than ordinary conflict

Some situations that start as a disagreement are something else, and they have different protections and remedies.

• Bullying. The Fair Work Commission's definition of bullying at work is someone behaving unreasonably towards a worker or group of workers, more than once, in a way that creates a risk to health and safety. A single comment that isn't repeated doesn't meet that definition. If what's happening does, our guide to what happens when you report workplace bullying explains the options.
• Sexual harassment. Unlike bullying, the Fair Work Ombudsman notes that sexual harassment doesn't have to be repeated. A single incident can be enough.
• Discrimination. If you're treated badly because of a characteristic such as your sex, race, religion or age, that is a separate legal issue from a personality clash, with its own complaint pathways covered in workplace discrimination.
• Violence or threats. The Fair Work Commission says to contact the police if the behaviour involves physical assault or damage to property.

A conflict can also be a safety issue without meeting any of those definitions. Safe Work Australia lists conflict or poor workplace relationships and interactions as a psychosocial hazard, meaning something at work that could cause psychological harm. It describes these behaviours as becoming a hazard when they are severe, prolonged or frequent.

Under work health and safety laws (occupational health and safety laws in Victoria), employers must eliminate these risks or, where that isn't reasonably practicable, minimise them as far as reasonably practicable. This means a long-running conflict that is affecting your health can be raised with your manager, HR or a health and safety representative as a safety concern. If it isn't addressed, your state or territory work health and safety regulator can give advice.

The same laws place duties on workers too. You must take reasonable care that what you do doesn't harm the health and safety of others, which is worth keeping in mind if you're one side of a conflict that has become heated.

If the situation is affecting your wellbeing, your workplace may have an employee assistance program offering free, confidential counselling. Lifeline is available any time on 13 11 14.