How to resign without burning bridges

Before you tell anyone

The conversation is easier when a few things are settled beforehand. If you're moving to a new job, wait until you've signed the offer. A verbal offer can change or fall through, and once you've resigned, your current employer isn't obliged to let you take it back.

Then work out your finish date. Your notice period when resigning usually comes from your employment contract, award or enterprise agreement, as the Fair Work Ombudsman's resignation guidance explains. The date also affects your final pay, so our guide to writing a resignation letter covers how to choose it, with a letter you can send once you've spoken to your manager.

It's also sensible to reread your contract for anything that applies after you leave, such as confidentiality obligations or a clause stopping you from working for a competitor. The Fair Work Act doesn't set rules for these non-compete clauses and the Fair Work Ombudsman can't advise on them, according to its page on getting help with employment contracts. If one could affect your next role, get legal advice before you resign.

You can save your own payslips and personal documents, but leave work files, client lists and anything confidential where they are, because taking them can undo a good exit quickly. If you need your employment records later, a former employee can ask for a copy, as the Fair Work Ombudsman's workplace privacy guide explains.

Telling your manager

Your manager should hear it from you before anyone else at work does. If a colleague mentions it first, or your manager notices a changed LinkedIn profile, the conversation starts on the wrong foot however well you handle the rest.

Ask for a short private meeting, in person if you work in the same place or on a video call if you don't. If you can choose the timing, avoid the hour before a big deadline.

Open with the decision itself, so your manager isn't left guessing while you build up to it. Then give your finish date, a sentence about why if you want to share one, and an offer to help with the handover. Something like this can work:

Change the details so it sounds like you. If you'd rather not say where you're going, or why, leave it out. You don't owe an explanation, and "it was the right time for a change" is enough.

If you do give a reason, choose one that's true and won't sound like an accusation. "I've been offered a role that moves me into project management" is easier to hear than a list of things that went wrong, even when some of those things are real. Problems the business should know about belong in the exit interview or a formal complaint, both covered below.

Your manager may be surprised, disappointed or briefly annoyed. Give them a moment, and don't feel you have to fill the silence by justifying yourself. Most managers move on to practical questions quickly: when you finish, who knows, and what happens to your work.

Decide to resign when you're calm, too. A clear resignation can generally be treated as final. The Fair Work Commission's guidance on forced resignation allows for special circumstances when a resignation is given in the heat of the moment or under extreme pressure, but that exception is narrow. If you resign during an argument and regret it, raise it with your employer as soon as possible, and don't count on getting the job back.

If they make a counteroffer

A counteroffer might be more pay, a new title, different hours or a promise that something will change. Whether to accept is a judgement call, and it helps to think it through before the meeting so you're not deciding under pressure.

Start with why you began looking. If the main reason was pay, and the counteroffer fixes it, staying can make sense. If the reason was your manager, the work itself, a lack of progression or the way the team runs, more money is unlikely to change it, and you may find yourself looking again within a year.

A few other questions can help:

• Why is the offer only coming now? If you'd already asked for a pay rise or a change and been told no, it's worth asking what's different.
• Is it specific and in writing? A promise of a promotion "in the next review cycle" is not the same as a new contract.
• How will it affect how you're seen? Some managers will value you more for staying. Others may quietly treat you as someone likely to leave.
• What have you promised the new employer? If you've already signed, backing out has its own cost to that relationship.

Your employer can't refuse your resignation once it's given, but accepting a counteroffer means asking them to agree to treat it as withdrawn. If you decide to stay, get the new terms and the withdrawal confirmed in writing. If you decide to go, thank them for the offer and say plainly that your decision stands. Asking for a day to think is reasonable. Holding both offers open for a week usually isn't.

Planning the handover

Colleagues are the ones left with your work, so the handover is often what they remember most about how you left.

Start with a list of what you're responsible for: ongoing projects, regular tasks, deadlines that fall after you leave, and the people you deal with inside and outside the business. For each item, note where it's up to, where the files are, what the next step is and who could take it on. Your manager decides who picks up what, but a suggestion gives them something to work from.

You probably can't finish everything before you go, so agree with your manager on what's worth completing and what should be handed over part done. If a task depends on a login or a supplier contact only you know about, pass it on through the proper channel before your last week.

Your employer might decide they don't need you to work the full notice period. The Fair Work Ombudsman says you can discuss whether you work out your notice or end it early, and its final pay guidance explains that final pay can include a payment in lieu of notice where that applies. A handover document you've already started is useful either way.

Telling colleagues and clients

Agree with your manager on when and how the wider team finds out. Some managers like to announce it themselves, while others are happy for you to tell people. Either way, colleagues shouldn't hear it through the grapevine first.

For clients and other external contacts, follow your employer's lead. The business will usually want to introduce whoever is taking over, and contacting clients about your departure on your own can cause problems, especially if your contract restricts dealing with them later.

With colleagues, you can share as much or as little about your next move as you like. Avoid complaining about the business or particular people on the way out, even to colleagues you trust, because those comments tend to travel. It's also considerate to hold off updating LinkedIn until the team has been told.

The exit interview

Many employers offer an exit interview or survey. It's usually optional, and it's a reasonable place to give feedback that could help the people staying behind.

Feedback is easiest to act on when it's specific and about how work was organised. "Workloads were uneven, and there was no clear way to raise it" is more useful, and easier to hear, than criticism of a named manager.

If something more serious happened, such as bullying or harassment, an exit interview isn't a substitute for a formal complaint. Our guide to workplace bullying explains the formal options and where to get help.

Your last few weeks

Keeping up your usual standard during your notice period is part of leaving well. Finishing what you agreed to finish and staying involved in the team's work both count.

It's also a good time to ask for a reference, while your work is fresh in your manager's mind. Employers aren't generally obliged to give one, and the Fair Work Ombudsman's privacy guide notes that some have a policy of only confirming that someone worked for them. Asking your manager directly whether they'd be willing to speak for you avoids surprises later. Our guide to asking someone to be a referee covers how to put the question.

On your last day, return your equipment and access cards, make sure your handover notes are easy to find, and say goodbye to the people you've worked with. A short farewell message, with a personal email or LinkedIn profile if you'd like to stay in touch, is usually enough.

When leaving on good terms isn't possible

Some workplaces make a gracious exit hard. If you've been underpaid, bullied or harassed, protecting the relationship may matter less to you than getting out safely and being paid what you're owed.

If you feel your employer has left you no real choice but to resign, get advice before you do. The Fair Work Commission calls this a forced resignation, and the employee has to prove it, so how and when you resign can matter. Legal Aid NSW's page on resigning gives bullying, sexual harassment, underpayment and safety issues as examples. The Fair Work Infoline on 13 13 94 can help with questions about pay and entitlements, and a union, community legal centre or employment lawyer can advise on your situation.

This article is general information, not legal advice.